


All Dreamed Away

by fictorium



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Dreams, Dreamsharing, F/F, Femslash, Soulmates, angsty Kara arrival stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 08:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10658991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictorium/pseuds/fictorium
Summary: When Kara comes to Earth, she notices something different when she sleeps.On a planet where soulmates are found in dreams, what happens to a girl who can't dream at all?





	All Dreamed Away

It takes three nights in Metropolis, that strange place that’s nothing like Argo City, before she shakes Kal awake. There are hours yet until the dawn of the yellow sun. There’s so much to adjust to, her strength and the sounds, and the way the whole world is turned up too high. At least she can’t hurt him when she shoves him hard enough to make the bed he sleeps on creak.

“What is it, Kara?”

He says her name wrong, flat and without its usual lilt. He says it like the humans do.

“I’ve lost my dreams,” she tries to explain. Twenty-four lost years and all she had were her dreams, cycling through her memories of Krypton and imaginings of what it would have been like, had the planet not perished. Here, when she closes her eyes and lets her body relax, she sees only darkness for hours. It’s so very lonely that Kara wakes up crying. Her dreams are where her mother and father live, where the spires still stand and the sun glows red and true. 

“Oh kid,” he sighs. He reaches towards the other side of the bed, unable to hide his disappointment when he finds it empty. That woman Kara saw yesterday, the one from work. She understands that the space in the bed is usually filled by her. “You and I? We don’t get those here on Earth. I didn’t understand what people were talking about for the longest time, but it’s something to do with our powers I guess.”

“Okay.” Kara shuffles back towards to the doorway. She hesitates, wonders if he’ll realize. Kal smiles weakly, before pulling a pillow back over his head. He’s not a parent, Kara tells herself again. He doesn’t know that after a scare in the middle of the night, he should take her back to bed and watch until she falls asleep, maybe stroke her hair just a little to help her do it. 

In the morning, he tells her about a place called Midvale. A family called the Danvers. Three days ago, Kara would have resisted with every fiber of her being. Instead she nods, and goes to pack her few belongings into a small bag. 

***

Kara comes home from school without Alex, having cheated on the promise to never use powers in public, super speeding through the forest, pausing only for a moment to stare at the birds.

Eliza is reading in the kitchen, preparing for her return to work now that the funeral is over and life is supposed to be getting back to _normal._ It’s the worst word Kara has learned in English, and she already hates it more than just about anything on this stupid planet. 

“Everything okay?” Eliza asks, already in motion towards the fridge. Feeding Kara is something she can do, something that’s stayed constant in all the upheaval of recent weeks. She knows not to leave Kara alone when she wakes in the night, to rub her back when Kara thinks she won’t breathe, not ever again. Eliza may not be Kara’s mother, but she knows most of the right things all the same. Sometimes when she’s hugging Kara close, or offering words of comfort, Kara sees Alex glaring at them like she’s been betrayed. It would be more gracious to refuse what Alex is denied, but Kara is just too greedy for the affection she always had so readily before. She’ll be better, she tells herself. Include Alex, or nudge Eliza towards her more often. Perhaps she’ll tell Alex why people run from the faces that remind them too much of the ones that they’ve lost. 

“Is it true?” Kara demands, as the sandwiches pile up in front of her. She eyes the PBJ with particular enthusiasm; Alex’s favourite has quickly become her own. “Sally told me today about soulmates, how when you’re about to meet, you start seeing them in your dreams.”

“It’s not the same for everyone,” Eliza answers carefully, pouring a glass of milk slower than usual. Kara thinks she might be avoiding the question, until the answer comes at last. “Some people share the same dream, others communicate through their different dreams, it depends. With Jeremiah I dreamt a long and complicated math problem. It took me night after night to dream it all, to work out the solution. When I did, there he was. Or his face, at least. We met on campus two days later.”

“Oh.” Kara takes the milk, sips just a little before setting it down. “So even though you’re a scientist-”

“There’s science behind it,” Eliza reassures. “Just science that we don’t understand yet. Perhaps we never will.”

“And what if…” Kara chews through the bread and peanut butter, buying herself a little more time before confessing another secret. “What if you don’t have dreams?”

“It’s very rare not to,” Eliza answers. “Some conditions, Charcot-Wilbrand syndrome for example… Kara? You have nightmares sometimes, don’t you?”

“Yup,” Kara lies, as Alex comes rushing into the kitchen, smacking Kara on the shoulder. 

“You ditched me!” She complains, before snatching a sandwich from the pile. “What are you talking about? More boring space crap?”

“Soulmates,” Eliza answers, turning away from her daughter and gathering up her discarded book. “And how you’ll meet yours in your dreams. Yes, even you Alexandra.”

“Yeah, right,” Alex scoffs, taking the seat next to Kara and pulling textbooks from her bag. “Who cares about that anyway? Not everyone needs to be in some dumb couple.” She winks at Kara, who’s never heard anyone speak out against the idea before. In that moment, Kara realizes she has a sister, someone who won’t find her entirely weird or point out how different she is to the humans around her. She hugs Alex, just a little too hard. 

“I agree with Alex,” Kara declares. “It’s pretty stupid.”

Eliza stares at them in exasperation, and they all feel the shift as though it occurs in the ground beneath their feet. 

“You girls…” she protests, but Kara knows then that she and Alex are a unit, a forced united against the rest of the world. She seals it by passing all the peanut butter sandwiches into a little pile for Alex, quite content to demolish the rest alone. If her sister doesn’t need a soulmate, Kara doesn’t either. At least they’ll always have each other. 

***

Kara decides not to tell anyone, apart from Alex. She reads and watches enough to know how to fake the details convincingly should she ever be asked, but dreams are such an intimate thing that they rarely come up in conversation with the friends she makes at college, with the boys she tries dating. She resigns herself to a life of being alone, of not dating or marrying or working out if she can even have children with a human partner.

Then the boy from Daxam crashes to Earth and tells her that the dreams don’t always precede the first meeting. Sometimes they come much later, when a couple have already made a home and a life, confirmation of their bond instead of setting it up in the first place. Asking around confirms the theory, an even split of before we even met to three years after our first date. 

And she doesn’t _want_ to date just anyone, the adjustment is too much after years of being sure. It would be so easy to fall into something just because the other person insists that Kara is already in their dreams; how can she tell them that they’ll never be in hers? That she’ll never get to be sure.

The Daxamite isn’t the last boy to insist they’re meant to be, based on his dreams alone, but he’s the last that she allows to manipulate her. Unfortunately he’s also the one she accidentally confesses her lack of dreams to. He’s kind about it, enough to convince her of his good intentions. Then he’s gone three weeks later, having taken all he wants without giving anything but more loneliness in return. 

She’s sent by the recruitment agency for a job at CatCo, a role she isn’t remotely qualified for after making coffee and babysitting children. Still, a career seems like the kind of thing that needs a first step, and Kara decides this is hers. The legends of Cat Grant are numerous and terrifying, but Kara knows better than most how easy it is to let the true self be hidden behind a convenient narrative. 

At 10.15 on a sunny morning, Kara’s life changes forever. The universe doesn’t seem inclined to draw that fact to her attention.

***

Alex wrings her hands and paces the floor of Kara’s apartment as though about to confess a betrayal. The hours at CatCo even after almost two years mean they haven’t been spending as much time together; it’s been over a week since they last got to hang out.

“The thing is,” Alex begins, and Kara sees the rest of the story in her expression when her sister finally meets her gaze.

“You got the dream,” Kara supplies, forcing a smile onto her face. “Did you meet her yet?”

“How did you know it was a ‘her’?” Alex asks, face crumpled in confusion. “I never date, so how could you-”

“You’re my sister,” Kara explains. “I know you better than I know my own mind, remember?”

“You promised no more showtunes,” Alex groans. “But her name is Maggie. We met the next day, and since then… wow, Kara. Just wow. It’s like everyone around me was talking in French, so I just ignored it. The noise was there, but I didn’t know enough to understand. Then she comes along and it’s just… I can speak. I can hear and understand and god, listen to me. I’m trying not to be _that girl_ , but-”

“You’re happy,” Kara scoops her into a hug, and her laughter is genuine. To see her sister - usually so guarded and cynical - be so free with her emotions made Kara feel full of love in an unexpected way. As sharp as the pang of not having the same for herself might be, Kara realized she might be able to experience a little of the happiness by proxy. That could be enough, especially if Maggie turned out to be everything Alex already seemed to think, based on her joyous expression alone. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“You’re the best sister,” Alex tells her. “Thank you. I was so worried.”

“Don’t be,” Kara assures her. “From now on, I want to know as much as you want to tell me, okay?”

They hug a moment longer, before Alex makes good on Kara’s offer and shares all the happy details. Hours later, Kara takes herself off to bed with great reluctance. Maybe this time. Maybe her bond with Alex, the number of years on the planet, the sheer virtue of suddenly letting herself want it again at last, will be enough to change Kara’s luck tonight.

She squeezes her eyes closed, tells herself she’s counting sheep, and sooner than she thought possible, is drifting off to sleep.

When she wakes in the morning, she’s already crying. The dreams are never going to come.

***

“Honestly, Keira,” Cat snaps later that morning. “Your face suggests someone either stole the last banana-walnut muffin, or a truck ran over your puppy.”

“Ms. Grant, why would you even-”

“Well?” Cat barrels on. Kara’s learned over the years that her responses in any given conversation are optional, at best. “Which is it?”

“My sister met her soulmate.” It’s unintentional, the blabbing. Kara can almost always keep it in check, unless she’s nervous. “I’m really happy for her, but we had this sort of pact.”

“Oh that nonsense about dreams,” Cat sighs. “Why am I not surprised you’d find that romantic? I’ll have you know I haven’t ever had a soulmate dream, and it’s done me no harm.” She gestures to the impressive office around them, and by extension the building that houses it. 

“Wait, what?” Kara asks. “But humans - I mean, everyone - dreams.”

“Yes, and mine are all my own,” Cat preens as she says it. “Complete self-sufficiency, just like in my career. Still, two sons and a husband here and there suggest I wasn’t entirely off base in my methods. And none of it got in my way.”

“Right,” Kara pulls herself together. “So it’s not that weird if I don’t dream at all?”

“Well that’s mildly intriguing.” Cat has the gleam of a potential story in her eye. “Why not?”

“Head injury,” Kara lies. “Dropped as a baby.”

Cat frowns. On the one hand she clearly thinks it would explain a lot about her assistant. On the other, she has an unfortunate habit of looking too closely at Kara when it’s the worst possible time. 

“Well, you’re not missing much,” Cat informs her. “I’d use that brain power for far better things, if I could. Isn’t it almost lunch? That cheeseburger won’t season itself. Chop, chop!”

“Right away, Ms. Grant,” Kara agrees, scurrying off towards her own desk. Even for a girl who can fly, there’s something much lighter in her step.

***

She calls Alex at 5am.

Partly because it’s the first name on her contacts list, and partly because she doesn’t dare scroll down to C.

“What the shit, Kara?”

“It happened!” Kara squeals, her voice high and cracking from sleep. “Oh God, Alex. I barely remembered what it was like, but just like flying, it comes right back.”

“What are you talking about?” Alex grumbled. There’s a grunt from somewhere next to her. Maggie must have upgraded to overnights already. 

“Dreaming,” Kara gasped. “I had a dream! Not right away, it was the blackness like every other night. But then the colors and the sounds and everything… I just woke up. It had to be at least two hours, I can just tell.”

“Seriously?” Alex is all the way awake now. “Kara, that’s amazing. But was it just a dream? Or, y’know…?”

“I was dreaming about Metropolis,” Kara sighs, trying to pull the details that are slipping away from her like fine sand through her fingers. “The Daily Planet, and Kal. Lois was there. Although...”

“Although what?” 

“She was younger. They all were, like when I first arrived on Earth.”

“Sounds like a memory,” Alex offers. “A lot of dreams are, in a way. Can we talk about this in a few hours? Preferably after coffee?”

“Sure,” Kara agrees, relieved to be snuggling back into her pillows. There’s still time, still a chance she’ll dream again before her alarm goes off. “G’night Alex.”

“Night, Kara.”

***

Cat is out of the office all day, and Kara scrambles to reschedule hours of meetings and appointments. Only when Kara sneaks out for late dinner and brings it back to her desk does Cat make an appearance.

“I thought you’d gone home,” is her surprisingly cold greeting. She’s wearing sunglasses indoors, though it’s after 8.

“I have some work to finish,” Kara explains. “But I can share my egg rolls?”

“No, no,” Cat brushes past her. “I’m not staying. Oh, but Keira?”

“Yes, Ms. Grant?”

“That thing you said yesterday, about not dreaming?” 

Kara is suddenly bursting with the need to tell her that the problem seems to have been solved at last, but she detects the note of warning just in time. 

“Yes?”

“What happens when you sleep, instead?”

“Just black nothing,” Kara explains, looking wistfully at the cooling takeout stacked on her desk. “Why?”

“No reason,” Cat sighs, striding off towards her elevator. 

***

This time Kara wakes from her dream not by conscious choice, but because of the hammering at the door.

“How can you stand it?” Demands a sleep-rumpled, barely-dressed Cat. A belted coat has been pulled over the negligée she apparently sleeps in, but Kara feels the protective urge to yank her inside the apartment where no one else can see. Cat doesn’t put up even cursory resistance, letting Kara guide her to the couch.

“Stand what?” Kara urges, utterly confused.

“All that nothing,” Cat whines. “I thought at first it would be therapeutic, like genuine rest. Instead it’s like suffocating. Two hours of drowning in silence, every time.”

“I don’t understand-”

“Your dreams!” Cat stands shrugging off the coat. Kara does keep her apartment warm, but oh _Rao_ exposed shoulders and dipping collarbones, and a small swathe of navy blue lace and silk that doesn’t cover so much as it clings in all the right places. “Or lack thereof.”

“I’ve started to dream,” Kara doesn’t dare give voice to what she thinks Cat is saying.

“About Metropolis, last night,” Cat confirms. “I was starting to enjoy that dream when you snatched it away. I didn’t even get to see tonight’s.”

“Cupcakes,” Kara tells her. “Lots and lots of cupcakes. You were throwing them at people. Does this mean you’re my soulmate? That I actually _have_ a soulmate?”

Cat nods her head. “It must be different for aliens.”

“I don’t-”

“Nice try, Danvers. I’ve seen inside your head now, don’t lie to me. Please.”

Kara nods. Cat takes a deep breath and continues.

“Clearly there’s a timing issue. There are ways to stop the dream transfer, if you want. I suppose getting someone like me after assuming no dreams meant no soulmate for so long could be quite the disappointment. I’m hardly the Romeo to your Juliet.”

“True, but that lasted three days and six people died,” Kara points out. “And how can you think that? Do you know how often I’ve wished it could be you?”

“Your crush isn’t exactly subtle,” Cat concedes. “It frustrated me, that you would never make a move.”

“Like this?” In a world where Kara finally dreams, and the dreams have found her the one soulmate she actually wanted, she can be bold. She brushes her thumb over Cat’s cheekbone, gentle as she knows how to be, and leans in to kiss her firmly on the mouth. A kiss that says _I want this_ , a kiss that says _kiss me back and mean it._

And that’s exactly what Cat does. She kisses Kara like she knows every tingling millimeter of her lips. Someone, either of them, could say _stop_ or simply _let’s slow down_ , but a lifetime of wanting and wanting to be wanted has broken over them like a dam bursting. Kara is pulling Cat into her lap just as surely as Cat is straddling her, pressing their bodies together with only the thin barrier of their nightwear in the way.

Kara’s hands roam, mostly because they can. It doesn’t take long to confirm, skimming fingers up over bare thighs, that Cat isn’t wearing anything beneath that slip. Seems as good a reason as any for Kara to pull that silk up over Cat’s head, leave her naked and Rao, so wet, grinding against the bare skin of Kara’s thigh.

The revenge is a welcome one, pushing Kara back against the cushions and stripping her shorts and tank top in a matter of seconds. When Cat climbs back onto Kara’s lap, they don’t waste time on tentative exploration; that will come later. Instead they lean into their sudden bond, guided by gasps and thundering heartbeats to touch where touch is needed most. 

It’s something of a relief, that Cat moans Kara’s name correctly when she comes.

Kara is stunningly less coherent a few minutes later, Cat’s fingers buried inside her, thumb on her clit and a wicked smile to send Kara stammering into a climax of her own.

After all that, floating them into bed seems like the least Kara can do. It draws an honest-to-God giggle from Cat, who demands more kisses the second they land, and a glass of water after a few minutes to soothe her raspy throat.

“Thank you,” Kara says long moments later, watching Cat swallow without her usual delicacy. “For coming over. For realizing what this was before I did.”

“It worked out for me,” Cat says with a shrug. “I thought I didn’t mind, all these years without ever knowing. But tonight I found a part of myself I thought I’d lost. Or that maybe I’d never had in the first place. You’re always exactly what I need somehow. Soulmate or not.”

“I think you really must be,” Kara admits, rubbing the end of her nose. “Will you stay? Until morning, I mean.”

“Of course.” Cat sets the glass down, and pulls Kara close, threading fingers through her hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Kara smiles into the next kiss, no longer the lonely girl without a dream. 


End file.
